Preaching the end of me

by endlesspsych

What can I say.

I’m low.

Maybe as low as I’m likely to get at present. Engaged in a constant battle with intrusive thoughts about self harm and suicide. Actually tempted to jump off North Bridge today. Though obviously I didn’t it still scares me that it seemed easier to walk up to the edge than walk away from it (so to speak).

I’m fed up with other people being shit. I’m fed up with other people being indifferent.

I don’t appear to have any support mechanisms anymore. I appear to have systematically burnt all my bridges with any old friends or otherwise just conspired to being shite at maintaining friendships.

I just feel alone all the time.

Though the only person I hate more than you is me.

I’m fed up with my own inability to cope and I’m fed up of going through this time and time again.

What’s the point in getting better to just go back to square one at the slightest setback?

Can’t help coming back to the same question “why am I still here?”.

The only answer I have thus far is cowardice.

I’m pretty sure I won’t do “anything stupid” (though frankly I fail to see how ending this cycle of misery could be considered anywhere near idiotic) but who knows maybe one day?